Welcome To Canuckistan

Where we’re very polite (even when we’re ranting about things that irritate us)

The Canuck’s Rules for Attending Mass

with 8 comments

These are going to be in no particular order:

1 )  Don’t leave before the end of Mass. Is it really that important that you beat everyone else out of the parking lot, or that you get to the coffee & donuts before they’re all gone, that you must leave immediately after receiving Communion? I remember hearing a story once (I think it was in a homily given by Deacon Cook at St. Anastasia’s on this very topic) about a priest who, at the beginning of Mass, gave the final blessing and said, “That’s for those of you who have never heard it”.

2 ) The kneelers are not to be used for anything other than kneeling. Don’t use them as footrests, I don’t want to kneel down before Mass only to find that I’m kneeling in someone else’s damp and/or dirty footprints. Don’t let your children use them as playthings or as an expeditious way to get from one end of the pew to the other.

3 ) Once Mass starts, don’t talk about anything unrelated to Mass. If you must, do it quickly and quietly. I don’t want to listen to a 35-minute not-quite-whispered conversation about who’s going to tell Aunt Martha that her pot roast is drier than Death Valley. If it’s that important, have the conversation before Mass, after Mass, or, if it absolutely positively cannot wait, step outside.

4 ) Speaking of stepping outside – can you people please learn to pee BEFORE Mass starts or hold it until Mass is over? I have a bad habit of drinking more coffee than I should before Mass. As a result, I find myself in a moderately uncomfortable position right around the proclaiming of the Gospel. Do I get up and leave to take care of business? No, I tough it out. I understand that some people have bladder control issues and that’s fine, I understand, do what you’ve got to do. But I find it nearly impossible to believe that there are that many people attending church that have issues with incontinence.

5 ) Church is not a playroom. This means that you don’t bring toys, colouring books, story books, or any other amusements for your children. If your children must sit next to one another, make sure they behave themselves. If they start getting restless, separate them, even if this means that one parent takes one or more children to a different part of the church.

6 ) Church time is not snack time. Related to the previous rule, do not bring any sort of snack for your children (infants excepted). A child who can walk and talk can go an hour without shoving something in his or her pie-hole.

7 ) When it’s time to sing, SING. Nobody cares that you can’t sing well. Nobody cares that you can’t carry a tune. Nobody cares that you’re tone deaf. Open the da*n hymnal and sing. It’s not that hard and you might find that you kind of like it.

8 ) If you open the hymnal during a hymn, SING. Don’t just stand there like a lump. I understand that not everyone can read music and that some of the more contemporary hymns can be difficult to sing, but you should be able to catch on to the refrain the second or third time through. At least try.

9 ) Added by Jill: Is it too much to ask that during the consecration people shut up and pay attention? It’s the CONSECRATION – Jesus becoming really present – doesn’t that warrent a little bit of reverence? It is not the time for a whispered chat, a bathroom break, or a nap for crying out loud! And don’t sit there looking bored and mentally reviewing your grocery list either!

10 ) Added by Jaibee: Don’t back into a parking space right before Mass.

a) This take a lot longer than just pulling in.

b) You block the aisle, so other cars cannot get around you and themselves park.

c) The few seconds this will speed your departure from Mass is not worth the precious time you are squandering before Mass. Your priorities are backwards.

d) Did I mention that you were blocking other people from being able to park their cars in an expeditious manner and hurry in to church? You should never, ever do this, particularly when you ARE LATE FOR MASS! Forget about the easy departure, you are MISSING OUT!

e) If you’re such a rockstar at reverse parking, you will be equally adept at backing out to leave – give it a try.

I’m sure there will be more to add to this list. Feel free to add any of your own favourites in the comments section.

Advertisements

Written by The Canuck

December 14, 2008 at 4:46 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

8 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. This was really good.
    Our children know that there are certain things expected of them at church and that there will be h*ll to pay afterwards if our expectations have not been met.
    I have to add one though…
    Is it too much to ask that during the consecration people shut up and pay attention?
    It’s the CONSECRATION – Jesus becoming really present – doesn’t that warrent a little bit of reverence?
    It is not the time for a whispered chat, a bathroom break, or a nap for crying out loud! And don’t sit there looking bored and mentally reviewing your grocery list either!

    Jill

    December 17, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  2. Jill,

    The few times I’ve sat next to your girls at Mass, they’ve been very well-behaved – even when they’re sitting next to those mischievous Webber children 😉

    The Canuck

    December 17, 2008 at 12:06 pm

  3. Thanks. (I did mention the h*ll to pay, right?)
    😉
    Probably one of the few times in life when giggling will get you grounded.

    Jill

    December 17, 2008 at 12:34 pm

  4. Oh yeah, you mentioned the h*ll to pay 😉 Is that h*ll at home right after Mass or an unpleasant afterlife kind of thing?

    The Canuck

    December 17, 2008 at 12:37 pm

  5. Both. Catholic guilt is FOREVER!

    Jill

    December 17, 2008 at 12:43 pm

  6. HAHAHAHA!!!

    The Canuck

    December 17, 2008 at 12:43 pm

  7. One pet peeve of mine is people backing in to the parking spots right before Mass.

    1. This takes a lot longer than just pulling in.
    2. You block the aisle, so other cars cannot get around you and themselves park.
    3. The few seconds this will speed your departure from Mass is not worth the precious time you are squandering before Mass. Your priorities are backwards!
    4. Did I mention that you were blocking other people from being able to park their cars in an expeditious manner and hurry in to church? You should never, ever do this, particularly when you ARE LATE FOR MASS! Forget about the easy departure, you are MISSING OUT!
    5. If you are such a rockstar at reverse parking, you will be equally adept at backing out to leave — give it a try.

    Jaibee

    December 18, 2008 at 9:54 am

  8. Great post. I’ll forward this to my pastor. One of his comments in the past was – “Here at Annunciation, WE do not leave before Mass is over. Think of it this way – you wouldn’t step off a bus until it stopped would you?”

    Take care and good luck!

    =Paul

    sorrentolens

    April 29, 2009 at 12:14 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: